THE MOST IRRITATING THINGS IN VILLAGE CRICKET
Anyone with even the vaguest experience in the world of village cricket will find certain things irritating - mainly stuff that involves village players trying to look like Test match players ...
1. Wicket keepers who repeatedly throw the ball back at the stumps after they have taken it
2. Any fielder wearing wrap around shades - they don't look cool and you are not good enough to wear them
3. Children operating scoreboards - they take too long
4. Captains who change their field two or three times an over - it's not a One Day International
5. Boring and excessively talkative square leg umpires
6. Big high fives when numbers 10 and 11 are dismissed
7. Batsmen who 'hold the pose' when they hit a good shot
8. Players showering and leaving early
9. Batsmen glove touching even for the most mundane of boundaries
10. Any batsman that utters, "fetch that", after hitting one resoundingly to the boundary
11. "Pump action" wicket celebrations - they are not necessary and you have just dismissed a lifetime numpty
12. Fielders who throw the ball to wicket keepers for no reason whatsoever
13. Teas which involve excessive levels of salad
14. Fielders who dive over a ball that has already passed to avoid fetching it from the boundary
15. Batsmen who are openly comfortable with sharing their box with another
16. Deodorant scroungers
17. Players who perennially forget their match subs
18. Incessant story tellers
19. Fielders who use the 'slide' or dive totally unnecessarily
20. Ridiculous and predictable sledging
IRRITATING THINGS WICKET KEEPERS SAY (WHEN THEY THINK THEY ARE SLEDGING OR ENCOURAGING THE BOWLER)
Wicket keepers are usually the most annoying opponents. Here we highlight the most irritating things they say ...
* "I like that"
* "Good areas"
* "One brings two"
* "First ball of a hat-trick"
* "Walking in with the bowler boys"
* "Bring him forward"
* "Make him play"
* "He's only got one shot"
* "Bowl him a piano, see if he can play that"
* "Too good for him"
* "Plenty of work to do yet"
* "Give him some chin music"
* "If you want to drive, buy a car"